The Freshness Of Being
by Oregano
Summary: Luke and Taylor. Locked in a storage room. Will the cops find a dead body in the morning? Possibly. Jess and Rory. A poking fight is involved. Will they make up? Who knows? (R&R Please!)
1. Trapped Like Mice

THE FRESHNESS OF BEING

By Oregano

+ Hi!  I started to wonder.  Green Eve (thanks by the way) mentioned in one of her reviews that Gilmore girls was a lot bigger than Luke-Lorelai-Rory-Jess Interaction.  "A regular episode of GG has a million little subplots, and all kinds of action."  And it's true.  So I thought of a funny thing.  Taylor bugs the hell out of Luke, and their fights always turn out hilarious.  So I thought, what if…  

+ I'm still not sure where this is going to go, so it may be a little slow.

+To:

hrlo: Heh.  Oh yeah.  It would be a little hard to walk in crutches.  Um, let's just pretend that it was one of those kung-fu moves where the guy gets cured miraculously.  I don't have any experiences with broken bones either.  Hahah!  Silly me.

Holly: Why, thank you for deeming me the honor of being COOL.  It's truly a great honor.  Heh.

rgilmore03: Thank you for the compliment.  Amy Sherman-Palladino IS a genius, isn't she?  She's great!

          "That's not going to work."

          "Who's asking you?"

          "Taylor, only stupid people will not know that, that will not work," Luke grabbed a box of cereal from the shelves.  He followed Taylor around his market as they discussed the future of the damned Ice Cream Shop.

          "I have every right to decide where what goes in my own establishment!"

          "I have every right to kick your ass around the floor, 'cause I'm your landlord."

          Luke inwardly smiled as Taylor outwardly seethed.  Taylor marched around the shelves and corrected different angular misplacements.  It was blatantly apparent that this Luke-is-Taylor's-landlord thing annoyed Taylor to his very being.

          "Fine," he said tersely, "the extra 'P' and the 'E' are going."

          Luke adjusted his cap and took two bottles of honey.

          "That stupid picture of the unicorn has to go, too."

          The vessel in Taylor's forehead pulsed.  

          He kept walking.

          Luke kept following him.

          "No, Luke."

          Taylor opened the stockroom and carefully inspected the expiry dates of his products.  Luke raised an eyebrow and entered.  Taylor was so weird.  Shaking his head to get back to the present topic, he said,  "It looks dumb.  Not that the whole décor of the place is any better than the Queen's, but…"

          "Well, if it's as horrible as you describe, why in the world would a picture of a stupid unicorn matter?!"

          "See?  Even _you're calling it stupid."_

          "It is not stupid!"

          "You just said it was!"

          "Well, I withdraw my comment."

          "How the hell do you 'withdraw a comment'?!  You've said it out loud, you wanker!  You can't take it back!"

          "Turning British now, are we?"

          "Eew, Taylor, are you flirting with me?"

          Taylor went rigid.

          "I am not!"

          "Well, that's the kind of funny stuff Lorelai says."

          "What?  Can a man not be funny?  What's so special about Lorelai that only _she gets to be funny?!"_

          "Get the unicorn out, Taylor."

          "I will do no such thing!"

          Luke was about to grab him by the collar and trap his little head in a solid headlock when a small creak sounded.

          Both of them turned as the door to the stockroom slammed shut.

          Luke dropped his basket to the floor and suspiciously walked over to the door.  With an angry glance at Taylor, he tried the knob.

          It didn't budge.

          Taylor's eyes went wide.  He ran to the door, shoved Luke out of the way and jiggled the handle furiously.  After a moment, he stopped, gasping for air.  He took a deep breath, and the place was quiet.

          "_HEEEEEEEELP!"_

          Luke grimaced at Taylor's ugly wail.  

          "Will you shut up!"

          The realization of being stuck in a storage room with Taylor suddenly dawned on Luke.  It took a long time, but he.  Was.  Stuck.  In a storage room.  With Taylor.  Taylor Dosey.  

          "AAAAAAHHH!  GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE I COMMIT SUICIDE!"

"We're stuck in here!  Good God!  I'll be known as the man who died in his storage room," Taylor glanced at Luke, "with the town crank!"

          "I'm not a crank, you butt."

          "Oh, keep quiet."

          "You shut up."


	2. The Poking Fight

THE FRESHNESS OF BEING

By Oregano

+ I'm sorry for doing this, but I shoved Rory and Jess in it, too.  Then I ended up getting the whole gang into it.  I couldn't help myself.  (Little giggle.)

+ To:

katem-23: I AM spreading, huh.  Like butter.  Like a virus.  Good God, I'm the E. Bola.  

BTS: (bows) Thank you, thank you.  (sniff) Oh, I feel so _loved!_

          Jess aimlessly browsed the shelf of nuts and bolts.  He had his screwdriver in his hand.  He carefully studied each nail, tapping the tool on his chin.  He didn't see Rory come up behind him.

          "Excuse me," she said hotly.  She shoved past him, making the top of the screwdriver jab his jaw.

          Turning his head, he glared at Rory, "Just watch it next time."

          "I'll try."

          She gave him a dirty look and went about her business.  Jess huffed and continued browsing around.  Rory was such a… bitch now.  He hated to call her that, but she was mean, she was cross and she was starting to get on his nerves.  It wasn't his fault that things were stupid between them.  If anybody was to blame, it was her.  

He furrowed his eyebrows.  

And Dean.  

He growled.  

And Lorelai.

          Damn the whole town for being annoying.  Jess snatched the right size of nails and headed towards the cashier.

          Great.  Dean was on duty.  Damn Dean for being on duty.

          Something hit him in the back.  He whipped around and saw Rory glaring at him.  Her weapon of choice was the basket.

          This had to be a joke.

          "Are you going to take long?  I still want to be able to walk by the time I get out of here."

          Jess closed his eyes and counted to ten.

          "What?  Are you meditating or something?  Move it!"

          He ignored Rory and dropped his purchases in front of Dean.  At least Dean was the silent type.  He just glared at Jess and rang up his stuff.  Rory, on the other hand, just kept on going.

          "Quickly, please, I'm starting to droop.  I mean, come on—"

          "Rory, will you _shut the hell up?"_

          Jess saw her face.  She looked like she wanted to punch him.  

          Well, it was _her fault for yapping so much._

          She reached out and slammed her index finger at his chest.

          Ooooh.  That was it.  

          Luke pounded on the door.  At first, the knocking was insistent, but it slowly deteriorated to weak patting.

          "Just give it up, Luke.  Besides, your fist at the door is giving me a migraine."

          Luke glared at Taylor and grabbed a small box of Aspirin.  Aiming it carefully, he threw it straight at Taylor.  It smacked him on the side of the head.

          "Ow!"

          Lorelai entered Doose's Market in search for the perfect bag of chips.  She glanced around, walking towards the chips aisle.  Her eyes widened as she saw the most unbelievable thing.  Rory was in a poking fight with Jess.

          They were seriously standing at the cash register, _ramming their fingers at each other._

          Poor Dean was standing behind it, trying to stop the two.  HE looked like one of those swooning ladies from 1920.

          "Oh, stawp it, Rhett!  I seahd stawp the MAD-ness!"  Gasp!  Swoon.

He went around it and stood in between the fighters.  With him serving as the huge barrier, it got harder to poke each other.  It quickly turned into a slap fight.    

          "Stop hitting me!"

          "You started it!"

          "Yeah, real mature, Jess-_ica!"_

          Jess' eyes bugged out and he charged at her.  Dean held him back as he tried to strangle Rory with his outstretched arms.

          "What did you call me?!"

          "You heard me."

          "Dean, let me go!"

          "I won't do that, Jess.  Not until you two calm down.  What the heck is wrong with you two, anyway?"

          Oh, Dean.  Always the peace maker of the bunch.

          Jess nodded at Rory and pointed to her using the screwdriver.

          "Ask Hokey-Pokey over here."

          Lorelai rolled her eyes and was about to walk towards them when she head something.  Nobody heard it as they were all riveted by Rory's stammering, Jess' smirking, and Dean's questioning.

          It sounded like clanging.  Or some people in a fist fight.  Or someone strangling a dog.

          Forgetting the Rory and Jess scene, she went to the back and heard the sounds become louder.  The storage room?

          She slowly opened the door.

          Inside the storage room were Luke and Taylor, actually throttling each other.

          "Let… go…" Taylor wheezed as he yanked on Luke's hair.

          "I will crush your neck until all the veins turn purple…" Luke said menacingly.  His face was full of concentration.  

          Lorelai entered the room and said loudly, "What's going on here?"

          They both stopped and looked at Lorelai, standing at the doorway with light streaming in around her figure.  She was like an angel.

          Luke got up quickly, excited to have the chance to escape.  He accidentally knocked over Lorelai, who, in turn, knocked the door closed.

          Well, maybe not an angel.  More like Larry from the Three Stooges.

          There was a pause as the three looked at each other. 

          "NOOO!"


	3. Locked In

THE FRESHNESS OF BEING

By Oregano

+ Okay, get ready for more bickering, more strangling, and more blathering.

+To:

Rory Potter: Thanks so much for saying all those things.  It's always rewarding when people say things like that.  C:

Heather: Was that a bad "Oh God." or a good one?

UniquelyMe: Thank you also for reviewing my old stories.  I love you.

melia: (poke) Hihi!  You're it now!

To lazy to sign in (nice name): They probably still are going out.  Dean is a bit out of character, eh?  Well.  Let's just pretend he's stupid.

Charmed-13: Hey!  I haven't seen you in a long time!  Are you updating your story yet? C:

Night Angel: I hope this wasn't a waste of time for me also.

          "So what's happening in the outside world?" Luke asked sadly.  It had been about half an hour.

          "Well, Jess and Rory are probably beating each other up to a bloody pulp.  Those two have some issues."

          "What?  In my store?  They're causing a scene in MY STORE?!"

          "Taylor, calm down."

          "I will not calm down!  They could be looting from me!"

          Luke and Lorelai just rolled their eyes.

It had been about an hour since Lorelai had joined them in hell, and Luke was an inch away from spooning his eyes out.

          "…You know what's a weird word?  Ruthless.  It's generally a negative word, right?  Then what's the opposite of ruthless?  The root word is 'ruth'?  Well, that's a funny root word, if you ask me.  Then it'll be 'ruth-full'?  Hey, Luke, you're so ruthfull.  Isn't that funny?"

          Taylor sighed and slumped to the floor.

          Luke gritted his teeth an imagined a peaceful release from this hell involving a lawnmower.

          "Another funny word: Pizza.  What if you have a chicken pizza?  Chizza?  That's so cool!  I'm gonna go tell Joe when we get out of here.  'Hey, Joe, I have a new flavor for ya'!'"

          "Lorelai.  Please.  Stop.  _Talking."_

          Taylor sighed again.  Oooh, he wasn't off the hook yet, either.  He pointed to the old man and tersely said, "And I still want that damned unicorn out, Taylor."

          "We've been over this: NO, Luke."

          "Fine, I'll just rip it out when it comes up."

          Taylor's eyes bugged out.  He suddenly became mobile and lurched for Luke's neck.  He caught hold of it and squeezed.

          Luke, being slightly bigger, took Taylor's neck in return and started to strangle him as well.

          "Hey!  Hey!  HEY!" Lorelai yelled, "This would work if you guys were fighting over me, but firstly, Taylor—gross.  And second, a unicorn!?  You are fighting over a _unicorn?"_

          "It's stupid!"

          "It's whimsical!  It goes with the whole ambiance of the place!"

          Lorelai raised an eyebrow, "A unicorn in an old-fashioned ice cream shop."

          "Yes!"

          "I don't want to take sides, but Taylor, that's kind of dumb."

          "Fine!  Take _Luke's side, as you __always do!"_

          He crossed his arms in front of him and pouted.

          From the other side of the room, Luke's eyes widened at what Taylor had just said.

          "Why are you guys fighting, Rory?" Dean asked, staring at her intently.

          "Jess was being a doofus."

          Jess rolled his eyes, "Yeah, because doofuses normally act stupid while trying to find the right nail in peace.  Yeah, a real stupid move there."

          Wow.  If looks could mutilate human bodies…

          "Fine.  We were fighting because I ki—"

          CRASH! 

          It was loud, and it came from the storage room.  This time, everyone heard it.  Dean looked up, distracted.  He walked over to the storage room and slowly opened it.  

          Inside, were Taylor and Luke, rolling on the floor, trying to kill each other.  In one corner, Lorelai threw pieces of Aspirin at the two.

          "Hey!  What's going on in here?!" Dean yelled.

          The three stopped and looked at each other.  There was a collective pause and they quickly darted to freedom.

          Lorelai threw her arms around Dean.

          Taylor went towards Dean, yelling, "Why, young man, did you not hear us inside there, screaming our lungs out?!"

          Luke just glared at them all and stalked away.

          "Shut up!  It wasn't my fault!"

          "It was!  God, Jess, I _hate you!"_

          "Oh, you think I love you and adore you?!"

_          SMACK._

          The crowd turned just as Rory slapped Jess on the face.  The sound echoed through the quietness in Doose's Market.

          Jess stood there, in awe of what Rory Gilmore had just done.  He touched his cheek slightly.  It stung.  He raised his hurt eyes at her and shook his head.

          "I've had enough of this."

          "Me too!"

          "Fine!"

          "Fine!"

          "I'm going!"

          "What do I care?!"

          "Have fun with your loving, boring boyfriend, Rory."

          "Don't eat Shane's head accidentally when you make out!" Rory screamed angrily as Jess exited the market.

          Luke was waiting for him.  They walked angrily back to the Diner.

          "Damned savages in this town."

          "Crap.  Jess, we need honey."

          "Well, I'm not getting it.  Rory's still in there."

          "I'm not going in there!"

          Luke growled and set his fist in front of him, "Rock, paper, scissors."

          Jess frowned.  He hesitated, then, "Gah!  _Fine!"_

          Fist, fist.  Luke Rock.  Jess Scissors.

          "_Dammit!"_

          Jess stalked back into the store.  He was greeted by Rory.

          "What, forget your panties?"

          "Get away from me."

          But Rory still didn't let the episode earlier go.  She followed him, still talking.

          "What are you looking for?"

          "Nothing.  Taylor!  Where the hell's your honey?!"

          He heard Taylor say from behind an aisle, "Luke left them in the storage room!" So he walked in that direction, not knowing that it was a dangerous place to be.  Rory, not knowing either, stuck to him like a barnacle.

          "Why are you so mean, Jess?" she asked suddenly.

          "_I'm mean?"_

          Lorelai was sick of this.  With a determined look, she slammed the door shut behind them.

          Jess and Rory looked at each other.  

          "Get talking, you two!" Lorelai yelled from outside.

          Jess frowned and stared at Rory.

          "This is going to be hell."

          END.


End file.
